Stephen Balkam explains how parents can keep their children safe online

Policy advocate Stephen Balkam says everyone – including government, technology companies, law enforcement, and individuals – has a role to play. He thinks about these issues a lot as the founder and CEO of the Family Online Safety Institute (FOSI), a nonprofit that brings together government, industry, academia, and nonprofits to innovate around public policy, industry best practices, and digital parenting.

He chatted with 1Password’s Michael “Roo” Fey on the Random but Memorable podcast about how parents should approach online safety with their kids. Balkam also discussed the emerging threats to children’s online safety, parental rights and children’s rights, and how kids can always find a workaround to get online.

Want to learn more? Read the interview highlights below or listen to the full podcast episode.

Editor’s note: This interview has been lightly edited for clarity and brevity. The views and opinions expressed by the interviewee don’t represent the opinions of 1Password.

Michael Fey: What is the Family Online Safety Institute’s mission?

Stephen Balkam: To make the online world safer for kids and their families. We don’t say the word “safe” because there’s no such thing as 100% safe, but we can definitely make it safer. We do it through what we call the three Ps: Policy, Practices, and Parenting.

Enlightened public policy is what we try to persuade our friends on Capitol Hill of, in the state capitals, London, and Brussels. Public policy laws and regulations that are based and grounded in research and not in banner headlines from the Daily Mail or something like that. We work with policymakers on both sides of the aisle. We’re nonpartisan and do our best to encourage the emergence of good legislation.

“We’re nonpartisan and do our best to encourage the emergence of good legislation."

We also talk to the regulators. We sit down with the FTC a great deal, Ofcom in the UK, and eSafety Commissioner Julie Inman Grant in Australia. These are the folks who actually have to enforce the laws as they are created. We work with them and provide a conduit to the technology companies, and vice versa, so there’s better understanding of the work they’re doing.

The second P refers to industry best practices. We work with our members to up their “trust and safety game”, if you will, and act under NDA as constructive critics of their products and services. To that end, we’ve worked with a number of the brand name companies to try to get them to put more resources behind the safety of their products.

The third P is an initiative we call Good Digital Parenting. We take everything we’ve learned from the laws and regulations, add that to the products and services that the tech companies are providing, including filtering tools, security devices, and so on, and translate that into easy-to-use language for parents.

“We have something called ‘The Seven Steps to Good Digital Parenting.’ You can put that on your fridge."

We have something called The Seven Steps to Good Digital Parenting. You can put that on your fridge to remind you to keep talking with your kids, to set ground rules, and to be a good digital role model yourself.

MF: How has your work evolved over the years? And what do you see as the most pressing challenges and emerging threats to children’s online safety today?

SB: When we started we only had two Ps: the policy side and the industry best practices side. Within a few years, we could see there was a real need to help parents. We call it empowering parents to confidently navigate the web with their kids.

All of the issues that people have become familiar with – cyberbullying, sexting, overuse, oversharing, and screen time – these have been really vexing questions over the last decade or so.

I would say over the last year or two, the emergence of generative AI through ChatGPT and other products has just exploded onto the scene and caused a new wave of issues, concerns, fears, and excitement. It’s why we decided to do a year-long research project on it last year.

MF: Tell me more about that. What have the findings been? What did you set out to discover? What was the focus of the project?

SB: We looked at parents and teens in the U.S., Germany, and Japan to find out their experience of generative AI. That incldues their concerns, their biggest fears, their biggest hopes, and just generally their attitudes toward it.

Surprisingly, it was the first time where the kids admitted that their parents knew more about generative AI than they did. Every time we’ve looked at anything from social media, the use of Snapchat, Instagram, and in the early days, Facebook, teens were far ahead of their parents in terms of usage knowledge.

“The kids admitted that their parents knew more about generative AI than they did."

But with GenAI, we found something really interesting. I think it’s because a lot of parents were already using ChatGPT and similar products for their work. And not surprisingly, they were quite concerned about generative AI taking over their jobs, so they really got in deep.

In terms of what parents were concerned about for their own kids, it was that they wouldn’t develop critical thinking skills in the way that they had to, going through school and college and into the workforce. They were concerned their kids would just have their essays written for them by AI.

When we asked teens about their biggest concerns, ironically, given that they’re not in the workforce yet, their biggest concern was whether there will be jobs for them when they do get into the workforce.

“The biggest concern [for teenagers] was whether there will be jobs for them when they get into the workforce."

Also, the use of generative AI tools to create images and videos to cyberbully – that wasn’t a concern for parents, but it was definitely one for teens. That’s a huge concern if you’re still at school.

MF: FOSI aims to create a culture of responsibility in the online world. What role do you see individuals, tech companies, and policymakers playing in fostering that safer digital environment for children?

SB: If you can envision a large circle, at the top of the circle would be government. Government definitely has a role to play in setting the rules for what is allowed and not allowed online.

It’s a complicated role, particularly in the United States, where we have the First Amendment. We have this tricky balance between rights of privacy and safety. It’s not easy legislating in this space but the government has a role to play in providing a legal framework and to urge folks to do more and better in this space.

“The government has a role to play in providing a legal framework and to urge folks to do more and better in this space."

Law enforcement is also part of this picture and part of the circle. For the really heinous stuff, we need well-resourced law enforcement to go after the bad actors. In many cases, law enforcement does not have the resources it needs, but even so, it’s part of the picture.

It’s also not acceptable for industry just to put out tools and products and services without thinking about online safety. They definitely have a role to play. When I go and talk to VCs, I say: “It’s great you have a gifted CEO and a fabulously skilled CTO, but who’s your chief online safety officer? Let’s make sure you bake that in.” Safety by design, if you will.

Parents, teachers, even the kids themselves, have a responsibility for maintaining safety online. We encourage parents to use parental controls. When kids hit high school, the emphasis shifts to being more of a co-pilot with your teen and working with them so that they utilize the online safety tools that have been created for them – to report, block, be private, and in many ways, shape or administer their online lives.

“When kids hit high school, the emphasis shifts to being more of a co-pilot with your teenager and working with them so they utilize the online safety tools that have been created for them."

And then teachers, of course, have a huge role to play in terms of giving online safety advice or lessons and modeling how to be not just safe, but civil online as well.

MF: There seems to be a real interplay between parental rights and children’s rights at the moment. Can you talk about that?

SB: I should have said right at the front that FOSI is an international non-profit. What I often notice in Europe is there’s a far greater emphasis on children’s rights and teens’ rights to access content, gather online, and express themselves. And also a right to be safe when they’re online. Here in the U.S., we tend to emphasize parental rights, and that often has pretty heavy connotations with it, particularly in certain states.

Parents, particularly those who have younger children, absolutely have the right and the responsibility to keep their young kids safe online and use parental controls. But things shift in the teen years. Kids, at some point or another, start to have rights themselves, including rights of privacy and a right not to be surveilled by their parents while they’re online.

“Kids, at some point or another, start to have rights themselves, including rights of privacy and a right not to be surveilled by their parents while they’re online."

Are we saying that kids, until they’re 18, have zero rights? And then, once they hit 18, inherit 100% rights? Or is there a gradual curve upwards? Not surprisingly, our organization argues that kids have rights as they age, and it’s a gradual curve.

It’s not an easy thing. It’s not something you can point to and say: “Absolutely this is the point at which they have X, Y, and Z rights.” But it is a commonsensical thing and also a realization that 15-, 16-, 17-year-olds will have the ability to circumvent whatever you try and put in their way.

MF: How does FOSI educatie parents about online safety? What are the key principles or tips you have for parents?

SB: We developed the seven steps to condense all of our various messaging and advice. It boils down to: Talk to your kids. That talk should be done early and often.

When I say early, I mean as young as kindergartners. They can understand the word “bad”, they can understand the word “danger”, they can understand concepts like: “We’re not going to let you have this whenever you want it. There will be times when you can have it and times when you can’t. We’ll also set up some rules where there will be consequences if you misbehave.”

“Talk to your kids. That talk should be done early and often."

Laying all that out early is absolutely critical so the kid knows that when you act, you’re not doing it unfairly. It’s based on stuff you’ve already talked about. But it’s an ongoing conversation. You’re going to have to do it almost on a yearly basis.

Back to school is the time that we often suggest as a good time. “Look, you’re now going into third grade. We’re getting you this gizmo watch so that you can contact us and we can contact you, but no, you’re not getting a phone.”

Also, milestones, like: “You’re turning 13, you’re now legally able to go on to various social media sites, but maybe we’re not going to. We want to discuss each one in turn.”

And at 14 or 15, sitting down with them before they go back to school: “Now show me how you report something on Snap. Tell me how you’re remaining private on Instagram.” This co-pilot concept is about working with your kid to make sure they’re utilizing the tools that are there for them rather than you trying to lock everything down. So that’s number one. Talk with your kids.

Number three is use parental controls. We talked about that before.

Number seven, probably the most important, is to be a good digital role model yourself. The top complaint I get from kids when I work in schools is: “I can’t get my parents' attention. My mom is always on Facebook. My dad is always checking his email.” Put your own screens down and give your kids face time.

“The top complaint I get from kids when I work in schools is: “I can’t get my parents' attention. My mom is always on Facebook. My dad is always checking his email."

We talk about tech-free zones in the house. A tech-free zone includes the bedroom. We’re not fans of screens in kids' bedrooms. No screens at the table if you sit at the table for a meal. Tech-free time zones, so maybe you have a 9:00PM or 10:00PM curfew where everyone puts their devices in a closet to charge up overnight.

We say to parents at PTA meetings: “Raise your hands if you use your phone as an alarm clock.” And almost everyone’s hands go up. The next thing I say is: “Don’t. Don’t use your phone as an alarm clock.”

“Little kids love to jump in your bed in the morning. They’ll see that blue haze on your face and they’re going to want the same thing."

Because it’s the last thing you’re going to look at when you’re going to bed. It’s also the first thing you’re going to look at, and sometimes even before you’re brushing your teeth, you’ll be checking your email and your texts and the weather. And if you have little kids, they love to jump in your bed in the morning. They’ll see that blue haze on your face and they’re going to want the same thing. Kids will do what you do rather than what you tell them to do.

MF: Do you think that teenagers are often neglected in the conversation around online security and almost seen as something to be managed instead of someone to be included?

SB: Oh, for sure. That’s why whenever we can, we include teenagers in our surveys, in our research. It’s extremely important to hear from them because it’s their lived experience that will inform public policy, as well as the products and services that tech companies build.

MF: Where can people go to find out more about you, the Family Online Safety Institute, and the incredible work that you’re doing?

SB: Our website is fosi.org. We’re also on LinkedIn, X, Instagram, all the usual places. And we have a YouTube channel. You’ll find a number of quite amusing videos with actual parents and kids illustrating the seven steps.

Jenn Marshall

Contributing Writer